The Mistress

I have a mistress.

She is alternately playful and pensive, overwhelming and subtle, agony and ecstasy. She is every colour of the rainbow. The delicate green of a vein under a fair maiden’s translucent wrist. The fiery orange of the blazing sun. She rules my existence. In my darkest moments of self-doubt, she is my comforter. She bursts forth with joyous abandon in my moments of triumph. Teasing, tantalizing, petulant, laughing, wry, soft, and steely. I hide nothing from her and she hides everything from me, beckoning with a mysterious finger. And I follow, fool that I am, eager to own her, little knowing that better men have tried – and failed.

Her skirts swish as she throws out a passing line and, lissome as she is, runs past before I can ponder, respond; her perfume is exotic, heady, musky. She laughs, and I am tormented, swinging between pain and pleasure, thrown out of orbit, hopelessly, helplessly lost in her vagaries, in the madness that is her pursuit. When I sleep, she sends dreams into my head the meaning of which I know not; when I waken, I can barely catch the last peal of her anklets ringing in the air. I wish to know her, unravel the secrets she holds, hold her, master her, and conquer her.

There are moments when I almost have her within my grasp – and then life intervenes, bills to be paid, men calling my name, family holding me back – and she vanishes. I need solitude to solve this puzzle that she is, I need time with her, within her, around her, about her – I must have her, I must know her, for she holds the answer to every question, the way out of every misery.

Someday I will conquer her, and then I will have nothing left. Or is it that which holds me back? I do not know. And she continues to gaze into my eyes – and in her eyes I see myself: hesitant, worn out, wondering if I have the courage to seek the answers I so desperately need.

I have a mistress.

She is my mind.

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15 thoughts on “The Mistress

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention The Mistress « The Talkative Woman -- Topsy.com

  2. “Someday I will conquer her, and then I will have nothing left”, is this not just an excuse we give ourselves, so that we do not push ourselves to achieve what we are truly capable of achieving.
    Because if you think about it, even if the current object of our interest is conquered, you will soon enough find something else that you want to conquer. We are always on the look out for the ‘bridge too far’, for the ‘green grass on the other side’ (to use a few cliches) because that is the only way we can convince ourselves that this life is worth living. After all, if life is not a constant struggle, then why live at all.

    Interesting POV, I agree in part.
    – Ramaa

  3. Wonderful post… great Presentation … Elaborating a subject ..relating urself to it.. finally revealing it as self-conscious ..

    Thanks, Ashwin.
    – Ramaa

  4. so nice to finally have you back to your blogging ways:) and whatay post to be back in circulation.lovely!:)

    Very late reply, no? Have been away. Thank you for reading, Van Winkle!
    – Ramaa

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