And I Survive

I know what it feels like to sit in a class of sixty five and not belong.
I know what it feels like to talk and laugh and feel a raging emptiness deep inside.
I know what it feels like to take endless walks around a campus, listening to the same songs, not wanting to, yet feeling compelled to.
I know what it feels like to make a a mistake, while realising at that moment that I’m making one.
I know what it feels like to betray someone who loves me and go to bed with that bitter taste in my mouth.
I know what it feels like to be disliked.
I know what it feels like to receive pity.
I know what it feels like to be disconnected from everything happening around me, like a bewildered, lost child who has been unexpectedly slapped.
I know what it feels like to be confused, to want to share the confusion, but not have anyone to confess to.
I know what it feels like to hurt so badly deep down that I can’t cry, just feel lost.
I know.

And yet…

I fight back.
I live.
I learn.
I mature.
I smile.
I keep my chin up.
I face the world.
I survive.

Because I have parents and a sister who love me.
Because there is a man in my life who loves me not just for who I am, but in spite of who I am.
Because I have a few, precious friends, rare as gems, who will always be there to hold my hand.
Because each one of us has his cross to bear. I know only mine.
Because the future beckons like the fleeting touch of a beloved mistress.
Because this too shall pass.

And I love this crazy, crazy world.

Promise keeps me going.
Theatre keeps me going.
Imagination keeps me going.
Music keeps me going.
Love keeps me going.
Passion keeps me going.
Family keeps me going.
Hope keeps me going.
I keep myself going.

And I survive.

Love you, Ramaa.
Lage raho. 🙂

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One thought on “And I Survive

  1. //I know what it feels like to betray someone who loves me and go to bed with that bitter taste in my mouth.//

    I shudder to think how I would feel if and when I go through that, but yes, have gone through the converse – of having considered people to be immensely trustable only to be let down. I hope I never end up doing that to anyone..

    Sathej

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